Ralph Porter

© 2003

    Two calendars sit on my desk. One of them is humorous; one serious. The Valentine's Day thought on the serious, thought-provoking calendar says: "Love at first sight is easy to understand. It's when two people have been looking at each other for years that it becomes a miracle."

    I never did my best work in Poetry Appreciation class. I could easily have failed a course in poetic expression. My historic low in expressive reading came one night when I tried to recite to my wife one famous piece of romantic poetry. It asks: "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways!" I won't demonstrate how the performance went!

    As I considered Rachel's life, I couldn't help but wonder how Jacob would have answered: "How do I love thee? . . . " The passage doesn't give much insight into Jacob's answer. It merely tells us that he set his eyes on her and it was love at first sight. What's more clear is how Rachel thought he would answer it.

    Secular society in their day said a woman's value was based on child bearing. Rachel and Leah had both fallen for the lie. They bought into the popular culture of their day. People of their day would have responded: "How do I love thee? Let me count the kids!" For them the value of a woman--a woman's place in life--was based on how many children she was able to produce.

    It was a performance standard, based on something she couldn't control. This issue looms so large that it is almost the only glimpse we get into Rachel's life.

    Three scenes give us insight into Rachel's life:

        1. Jacob's initial encounter and love for her as a lovely young lady   29:1-30

        2. Conflict and competition over their children   29:31-30:24

        3. Rachel's theft of her dad's gods   31:19, 30-35

    Following the three scenes in Genesis, Rachel isn't mentioned again until Ruth 4:11, where Rachel and Leah are depicted as the source of the nation.

        Then the elders and all those at the gate said, "We are witnesses. May the LORD make the 

    woman who is coming into your home like Rachel and Leah, who together built up the house 

    of Israel. May you have standing in Ephrathah and be famous in Bethlehem.

    Children eventually flowed from both of them. Notice that their value--their personal sense of worth--is based on their child-bearing ability! The prosperity wish people pass on to Ruth is that she might be as productive as these two women who gave birth to the nation.

    Rachel is mentioned again in Jeremiah 31:15, which is cited in Matthew 2:18, the only reference to her in the whole New Testament. Rachel's role is said to be that of the "mother" of Israel. She's the person who laments the loss of her children. "A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because her children are no more." Besides the three incidents described in Genesis, Scripture only remembers Rachel as the "Mother of Israel." The child-bearing issue--the conflict between Leah and Rachel over their kids--becomes so central that it's the only thing Scripture comments on. You can't think about Rachel without remembering that! It becomes her only claim to fame!  It seems both interesting and significant that Scripture doesn't remember Sarah nor Rebekah that way!

God led Jacob to meet Rachel

    Genesis 29:6-31 tells us about their first encounter. The writer goes out of his way to demonstrate two facts about Jacob. First he makes clear that God led Jacob to meet Rachel at the well (Genesis 29:1-12).

        Then Jacob continued on his journey and came to the land of the eastern peoples. There 

    he saw a well in the field, with three flocks of sheep lying near it . . . Jacob asked the 

    shepherds, "My brothers, where are you from?"

        "We're from Haran," they replied.

        He said to them, "Do you know Laban, Nahor's grandson?"

        "Yes, we know him," they answered.

        Then Jacob asked them, "Is he well?"

        "Yes, he is," they said, "and here comes his daughter Rachel with the sheep." . . .

        While he was still talking with them, Rachel came with her father's sheep, for she was a

    shepherdess. When Jacob saw Rachel daughter of Laban, his mother's brother, and Laban's sheep, 

    he went over and rolled the stone away from the mouth of the well and watered his uncle's 

    sheep. Then Jacob kissed Rachel and began to weep aloud. He had told Rachel that he was a 

    relative of her father and a son of Rebekah. So she ran and told her father.

    You might read this story to say that he kissed her and she ran away! God led Jacob to the right place to meet Rachel--a clear confirmation of God's direction and blessing. God was guiding Jacob's steps!

Jacob fell for Rachel from moment he laid eyes on her

        After Jacob had stayed with him for a whole month, Laban said to him, "Just because you 

    are a relative of mine, should you work for me for nothing? Tell me what your wages should 

    be."

        Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger 

    was Rachel. Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful. Jacob was in love

    with Rachel and said, "I'll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel"

    (29:14-18).

    Only one thing Laban has is of real interest to Jacob. He really wants Rachel! Even in their initial encounter (29:1-12), we see his reaction to her. The stone was large. They only removed it once. They waited until everyone arrived, then all cooperated to remove it. When Jacob sees Rachel, he gets so excited he removes it singlehandedly! He is so excited he kisses her and cries with a loud voice. He sees God's hand in all this and he is excited.

         Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger 

    was Rachel. Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful.

    To say that Leah had "weak eyes" was a common way of saying she wasn't especially attractive. She was sort of plain and dull. You could say, "her eyes just didn't have that 'sparkle'!"

    Jacob wanted Rachel from the very beginning. There's never any question which woman he's attracted to!

        Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, "I'll work for you seven years in return for your 

    younger daughter Rachel. . . ."

        So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him 

    because of his love for her. . . .

        Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah. And he worked for 

    Laban another seven years (29:18, 20, 30).

Rachel was loved by Jacob.

    Rachel always enjoyed her husband's love and loyalty. Jacob gladly worked seven years for her, because he loved her (29:20). Laban's treachery, exchanging unloved Leah, giving her to a man who was desperately in love with Rachel, was a cruel, deceptive act. However, it was a display of God's justice in the turn-about between the younger and older daughters. Jacob learned a lesson about deceit! That didn't make the marital situation more tolerable for Leah or Rachel. They were caught in a miserable marriage!

    Jacob worked seven more years for the one he really loved: Rachel. Leah's children did nothing to change that! All the children in the world would never change Jacob's love for Rachel.

Rachel was loved by God!

    Rachel's sense of worth was based on performance. She had to produce children to establish her worth-her value in that culture (30:1). When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, "Give me children, or I'll die!"

    This was the secular society's value system--value based on child-bearing. According to their society, "That's what women were good for!" Rachel and Leah's competition for children shows how desperate each was to be loved.

Leah's consolation   29:31-35

        When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. 

    Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, "It is 

    because the LORD has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now." She conceived 

    again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, "Because the LORD heard that I am not 

    loved, he gave me this one too." So she named him Simeon. Again she conceived, and when 

    she gave birth to a son she said, "Now at last my husband will become attached to me, 

    because I have borne him three sons." So he was named Levi. She conceived again, and when 

    she gave birth to a son she said, "This time I will praise the LORD." So she named him Judah. 

    Then she stopped having children (29:31-35).

    God saw that Leah wasn't loved and gave her children as a consolation. It doesn't say that God gave her children as a means to win her husband! Desire for love and acceptance is one of strongest drives we face. Unrequited love, lack of recognition, or total disregard is hard to endure. One recourse is to pursue love and recognition by any means, without regard to its cost or long term effects. That competition is reflected in the naming of Leah's children:

            Reuben    =     "Yahweh saw her misery"

            Simeon    =     "God heard"

            Levi        =     "Attached" (her husband would be attached to her)

            Judah      =     Leah would be satisfied to "praise Yahweh"

    Leah may have learned an important lesson through this process. When Levi was born, she hoped to earn her husband's allegiance through his birth. Now she seems content to let go of Jacob and cling to the Lord. She will praise Him. Period.

Rachel's jealous response   30:1-2

        When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her 

    sister. So she said to Jacob, "Give me children, or I'll die!" Jacob became angry with her and 

    said, "Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?" (30:1-2).

    Rachel has Jacob's love and loyalty. He never wavers in his commitment to her. Leah is the one who is unloved. Yet Rachel's the one who gets jealous!

The battle of the servant girls   30:3-8, 9-13

         Then she said, "Here is Bilhah, my maidservant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children 

    for me and that through her I too can build a family." So she gave him her servant Bilhah as a 

    wife. Jacob slept with her, 5 and she became pregnant and bore him a son. Then Rachel said, 

    "God has vindicated me; he has listened to my plea and given me a son." Because of this she 

    named him Dan. Rachel's servant Bilhah conceived again and bore Jacob a second son. Then 

    Rachel said, "I have had a great struggle with my sister, and I have won." So she named him 

    Naphtali (30:3-8).

        When Leah saw that she had stopped having children, she took her maidservant Zilpah and 

    gave her to Jacob as a wife. Leah's servant Zilpah bore Jacob a son. Then Leah said, "What 

    good fortune!" So she named him Gad. Leah's servant Zilpah bore Jacob a second son. Then 

    Leah said, "How happy I am! The women will call me happy." So she named him Asher 

    (30:9-13).

    The competition for love and worth continues to be seen in the naming of their servants' children. Rachel's children through Bilhah reflect her struggle and her feeling of victory:

            Dan            =     "God has vindicated me"

            Naphtali     =     "I fought" with my sister.

Rachel's vindication   30:22-24

        Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and opened her womb. She became 

    pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, "God has taken away my disgrace." She named 

    him Joseph, and said, "May the LORD add to me another son" (30:22-24).

    But childbearing can't produce love. That strategy never works! Love isn't produced by performance. Look at how low things got:

        During wheat harvest, Reuben went out into the fields and found some mandrake plants, 

    which he brought to his mother Leah. Rachel said to Leah, "Please give me some of your 

    son's mandrakes."

        But she said to her, "Wasn't it enough that you took away my husband? Will you take my 

    son's mandrakes too?"

"        Very well," Rachel said, "he can sleep with you tonight in return for your son's mandrakes."

        So when Jacob came in from the fields that evening, Leah went out to meet him. "You must 

    sleep with me," she said. "I have hired you with my son's mandrakes." So he slept with her that

    night. God listened to Leah, and she became pregnant and bore Jacob a fifth son. Then Leah 

    said, "God has rewarded me for giving my maidservant to my husband." So she named him 

    Issachar (30:14-18).

    Rachel sells her husband for a night, in exchange for some fruit. Leah seems to enjoy rubbing it in! Anger and jealousy flows from the story. God's standard is that one man and one woman are united and become one flesh forever. When you break that standard, the results are painful.

    If anyone ever had a justifiable excuse for bigamy, it was Jacob. But that didn't change the pain in their home! God didn't intend it to be that way. This isn't His pattern. Therefore the pain of the strained marriage relationship affected every area of their life. Mistakes in marriage will do that! That's the way divorce works too! You may have an excellent reason, but it won't make the pain go away. Jesus pointed to this aspect of marriage. The disciples responded, "Then it's better not to get married at all!"

    There's a moral to this part of the story: Be sure to choose well! Choose a godly mate! Choose a mate who is seeking godly goals for their life! Don't gamble with this choice! Mistakes in choosing a partner produce painful consequences!

    Rachel is the loved wife, though she never really feels loved. God looks after Leah, the unloved one. She is the neglected one. But God is her consolation. Ultimately, it's Leah's children that form both the royal and priestly lines of Israel. God has a plan for Rachel's children as well, but the formal leadership of the nation were Leah's children. In the midst of a painful, unbearable home life, God watches over Leah and meets her needs. Jacob doesn't meet her needs. It's God that meets her needs!

    A leading polling organization conducted a survey to determine what people are looking for, more than anything else in life. The results surprised the analysts. People said they most desired love, joy and peace. These are the first three qualities in the list of the fruit of the Spirit. People are looking for love. The problem is that they aren't having much luck finding it.

    One common denominator in marriage counseling: the most frequent problem presented is that people don't feel loved! The philosophy of secular society was wrong. Performance--even having a lot of children-- can't earn love, security, or significance! That same philosophy is still around! For most people today the desired performance isn't based on child bearing, though some people try that when their marriage is falling apart. It still won't produce love!

    However, people still look for love, security, and significance, on the basis of performance. Love, security, and significance don't come from performance. They don't come from being good enough (whether it's being good at having children, or anything else we do). They come from the One who loves us completely--without conditions! We don't have to earn His love. In fact, we can't earn His love! He loves us because He has chosen to love us. We enjoy that love when we understand that God does love us--totally! Just the way we are!

    We're looking at God's people here--godly people. The families we're looking at are on the list of super-heroes of the faith! These godly women, wives of some of the most godly men to ever walk on planet earth, are crying out to be loved. What's wrong with this picture? It doesn't matter how ideal your husband or wife may be, they will never satisfy your need to be loved, secure, and significant! Jacob couldn't meet that need for Leah, nor for Rachel. Only God can fill that need! Whether you are the husband or the wife, if you are looking to your spouse to make you feel loved, you are looking in the wrong place. It won't happen!

    Motivated by society's concept that if we just perform well enough we'll be loved, secure, and significant, we try to be good enough at something to be loved. It doesn't work! It didn't work for Leah! It didn't work for Rachel! It won't work for you either, whether your name is George or Cheryl. You will never perform well enough to earn your mate's love! Love is a choice. God has chosen to love us. We can choose to enjoy that love, and to share His love with others.

WHERE DO WE TURN FOR LOVE, SECURITY, AND SIGNIFICANCE?

    Are you looking to the wrong source? What kinds of things do we cling to, to try to establish our value--our sense of worth--in order to get someone to love us? Teenagers in the back seat of a car feel the pressure to surrender their personal values, in order to obtain someone's love--but it doesn't work--it doesn't earn love! In fact, you lose respect!

    Adults too, feel pressured to surrender godly standards to be accepted by those around us! But it doesn't work! Nothing we do will ever make anybody love us. Love is a choice! God alone has already chosen to love us, with no strings attached. He loves us because He loves us. We can rest secure in His love! We don't have to pursue it, seeking somebody who loves us! God has already demonstrated His love--it's unconditional. We'll never earn nor deserve it, yet He has given it to us, because of His grace! We just have to believe it, and enjoy it!